This week, we sat down with Mistress Kay to talk all about desperation kink. She told us about her interest in all kinds of desperation, whether it related to bathroom control, food, orgasms, exercise, temperature, and more. We also talked about how the world of sex toys has changed within her twelve years as a reviewer.
Introduction to Desperation Kink
Of course, we begin with Mistress Kay’s Radioactive Spider Bite into kink. She explains that she’s pretty sure she was born with a desperation kink, but she first realized it as a kid when she was holding down a friend who desperately had to go to the bathroom. What she finds so hot about desperation is the way people get when they’re desperate—it’s an intense experience that often includes squirming, begging, and a sense of franticness. Dick and Gwen relate desperation to tickling, which they’ve been playing with more lately. Dick also personally relates to desperation through his autassassinophilia fetish, because in his fantasies, he finds the desperation that comes with not wanting to die very hot.
We talk about the two types of desperation: wanting the top to stop doing something, and wanting the top to let you do something. For example, with tickling the bottom would likely want the top to stop tickling them, but with orgasm control the bottom probably doesn’t want their top to stop letting them receive pleasure. Another beautiful thing about desperation kink is that it doesn’t have to be traditionally sexual at all, such as if you’re playing with food or exercise control.
Exercise Desperation
Dick dives deeper into his interest in workout/exercise related desperation, which he’s into for camp-y reasons. It mostly relates to superhero fantasies, where someone is forced to run on a treadmill or else a bomb will go off and kill their sidekick, or things related to this. He also talks about a porn clip in which someone dressed as Wonder Woman is made to do sit ups for an hour, or else their friend will be electrocuted.
The way Mistress Kay likes to play with exercise desperation is by roleplaying as a domm-ey personal trainer. She likes to watch a partner work themselves to the bone for her and teasing them while they do it. She also likes to watch people push themselves (comfortably) past their physical limits for her.
Playing with Desperation Kink Safely
We go into a more in-depth conversation about how to play with desperation kink safely. Mistress Kay explains how she doesn’t do this type of play with anyone she doesn’t have a trusting relationship with. It’s also important as a top to have done research about what the signs of going too far look like in case your bottom doesn’t realize it. She also does a lot of checking in with the bottom, which she cleverly frames as dirty talk.
The World of Reviewing Sex Toys
Next, we talk about her twelve years as a sex toy reviewer. Gwen asks how the world of sex toy reviewing has changed with in that time. Mistress Kay says that the biggest change is that a lot more people are writing sex toy reviews, which is great for toys having more well-rounded reviews. Unfortunately, there are a lot more people getting into sex toy reviews for nefarious reasons. She says that this doesn’t really come from small independent bloggers, but more so companies who pirate other peoples’ work, put it in one succinct post, pretend they’re the authority, and profiting from affiliate income. Gwen brings up how it can be difficult to find independent reviewers since they tend to be buried under posts by massive companies, and Mistress Kay brings up how she can’t even promote herself on social media because her accounts have gotten removed for posting pictures of sex toys.
Gwen asks Mistress Kay how her writing has changed over time, and she responds by saying that when she was younger, she didn’t really think about how toys might work for people with different body types than her. Now she works really hard to make sure she’s thinking about all types of anatomy when she writes, and to make sure that she writes inclusively.
Lastly, Mistress Kay answers listener questions about her favorite ways to make a partner desperate, how to deal with desperation scenes that go south, and how sex toys have become more innovative over the years.
Related Information
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed this one, you’d probably like episodes 226 and 084. To learn more about wetting desperation specifically, you can also check out our blog post by friend of the show Mistress Bunny.
Mistress Kay’s links:
Blog
Twitter
Fetlife
Kinkly Articles
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