This week, Dick and Gwen sat down to talk about the many Shrek-like, oniony layers of coming out as kinky. They talk about coming out to yourself, coming out to others, reasons why people might not want to come out, and give some general advice on how to approach the topic. They also delve into their personal journeys and where they’re at in the process of coming out.
Coming Out as Kinky
Since we’ve gotten many listener questions about this subject in the past, Dick and Gwen wanted to make an episode all about coming out as kinky. They soon discovered that it’s a massive topic with no clear answers, but they decided to tackle it anyway. They discuss how coming out has many layers to it, which Dick compares to ogres being like onions.
Gwen talks about how coming out always starts with coming out to yourself, which she thinks is the most important step. Self-admission, self-realization, and owning your interests is so important, as well as confronting any shameful or embarrassing feelings that might come with it. After growing up in a conservative Christian family, Gwen was very repressed and had a hard time realizing that she was kinky, but when she was finally able to admit it to herself she felt a lot more self-acceptance.
Dick advises that the next step should be coming out to somebody, and it doesn’t necessarily matter who. He says that typically coming out to the first person is the scariest, and it tends to get easier the more you do it. He received a lot of judgement for mentioning his interests as a young person, which made him force himself back into the “kinky closet,” and was able to receive more positive affirmations after he mentioned it more subtly. In Gwen’s experience, especially when you’re younger, it can be easy to think that you’re in a very small minority of kinky people. It’s important to find community, as well as tell at least someone about being kinky, in order to receive validation that it’s not something that’s only in your head.
One of the things that’s often hard for people is coming out to people they live with, but it’s one of the most important steps in order to not have to hide in your own home. They talk about coming out to your “nest” of people, which is essentially whoever you live with—it could be parents, roommates, partner(s), or any combination of these. They think it’s important to come out to your nest so that you don’t have to lie about something like going to a munch, with the caveat that it’s not necessary if it’s going to make your life harder.
Not Coming Out As Kinky
We also mention that this episode gives advice for people who want to come out, and that there is absolutely nothing to feel bad about if you’re not ready to yet. There are a multitude of reasons why someone might not want to come out, and they’re all completely valid. Gwen talks about how in queer, polyamorous, and/or kinky communities, she thinks there can be this sense of having “made it” when you’ve come out to everyone in your life, but she thinks it’s important that you don’t feel any less valid if you’re not out in every aspect of your life.
Personal Journeys
Dick and Gwen go into their personal stories about coming out, in which they’re both in totally different places. Dick is out to his family and all of his friends, and talks a bit about what it was like coming out to his mom. He also talks a bit about the validating and supportive reactions he’s received from vanilla friends in his life.
Gwen is out to most people in her life, but still struggles with coming out to vanilla friends. She also is not out to her parents, because she feels that it would make her life more difficult, and she doesn’t think it would add anything to her life if she came out to them. She’s at a place where she’s not afraid to post her face online (and she even makes porn), but she keeps her accounts private in hopes that her family won’t find her kink-related content.
They also answer listener questions about whether or not to discuss being kinky with your kids, how different generations react to people being kinky, whether you should come out slowly or rip it off like a Band-Aid, and how the internet has affected coming out.
Related Information
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed this one, you’d probably like episodes 212, 169, and 002.
Did you know we host a virtual munch every Friday? You can find more details about that here!
Keep us on the air by donating a buck or two to our Patreon! You can listen to an ad-free version of the show a week early, and you’ll have access to our Discord server. We post a lot of fun bonus content, including monthly photosets, silly and/or kinky videos, and movie reviews. If you’d rather make a one time donation, you can do so at PayPal.me/OCPLLC.
Be sure to check out this week’s sponsor, Wreck Me Harder.
Find us on Twitter and Instagram: @ocpkink
More by PODCAST JUKEBOX:
Queers Next Door | Being There
Will Sean Podcast? | The Goth Librarian Podcast
Drinks with God | ProudToBeKinky | NO LOVE LOST
Trackbacks/Pingbacks