It can be challenging to make time for BDSM and kinky sex. Developing dynamics takes time and dedication. Luckily, there are many ways to fit kink into a busy schedule, even if you only have five minutes to squeeze it in.
Like most of us in today’s world, I’m constantly busy. Between working and managing relationships, it can be difficult to prioritize my relationship to kink, as well as my ongoing dynamics. I often find that my kinky sex life falls to the wayside, which negatively affects myself, as well as those who are involved in it.
This is an issue many kinky people struggle with, and it’s something that frequently turns vanilla folks off to kink, so I wanted to share a list of ways I’ve found work to incorporate kink into my life, even when I don’t have time to plan frequent, drawn-out scenes.
1. Fit Kink Into Things You’re Already Doing
When I feel bogged down by my to-do list, I take a lot of joy in finding where I can incorporate kink into things I already need to do during the day. Some examples that I hear a lot of people enjoy doing are covert things at work (whether you work from home, or at an in-person job), such as wearing a butt plug throughout the day, or sissies wearing panties or a bra to work. Since the pandemic began, I’ve heard of littles wearing paci’s under their masks. In our recent episode with Sir Esquire, he mentioned having a co-worker that would pee into his tea thermos during work as a way to do covert watersports.
For gross kinksters like myself, I enjoy taking a moment during the work day to spit some candy into my partner’s mouth, or asking him if I can use my tongue scraper to scrape my tongue gook into his coffee. Whether you’re able to be open about it, or if you need to be discreet, there are tons of quick things you can do to make your work or relaxation time a little (or a lot) more kinky.
To fit in kink when you’re busy, you can wear kinky things underneath your mask. In this photo, someone wears a gag underneath their mask.
2. Share a Schedule
For many people, kink has more benefits than just sex that better suits them—often, the structure of a D/s dynamic can be really helpful for those who are neurodivergent, or even just folks who appreciate having a routine of protocols that they can count on. Whether or not you’re one for enforcing rigid protocols, something as simple as sharing your to-do list with a partner can help you gain a sense of structure and accountability.
There are a variety of ways to play with this—you could ask your partner to add self-care tasks that you might often neglect to your list, such as drinking water or taking your medication, and they can do a daily check-in to see if you’ve done your tasks. You could also add rewards, such as sending your sub a cute selfie if they complete their tasks for the day, or you could incorporate orgasm control, allowing them to get off at the end of the day if they’ve completed all of their self-care tasks.
If you’re a sub, you could look at your dominant’s schedule to have a better sense of anticipating their needs at any given time. Of course, not everybody is going to be down for letting a partner have control over their schedule, but if you’re into D/s, sharing a schedule with your partner can be a fun, easy way to fit kink into a busy life.
Even if your schedule is packed, often times it’s still possible to throw in quick kinky activities here and there.
3. Send Kinky Pics
This is one that I heavily relied on when I was in a long-distance relationship. As a dominant, it can be fun to do things like assigning your submissive to send you a lewd (or nude) photo the next time they go to the bathroom at work, or to ask your submissive to text you about a recent fantasy they’ve been fawning over if you need a little something to take your mind off of the day’s stresses. Even if you’re hard-pressed for time, it can be fun to send sexy pics back and forth throughout the day, whenever you both get the chance to.
If you’re too busy to fit in a planned out scene centered around butt plugs, wearing a butt plug and taking a moment to send a photo to your partner is a fun way to continue engaging in kink.
4. Be Kinky While You Relax
Sometimes at the end of a long day, while I might be really craving kink, I don’t feel like I have the spoons for planning and negotiating a long scene. In this case, my go-to is to combine kink with the things I (or my partners) do to relax.
While it might seem vanilla at first glance, I enjoy giving oral sex while my partner plays video games, watches TV, or scrolls on their phone. This can be fun on its own, but what makes it kinky for me is having my partner completely ignore me, which adds in an element of objectification.
If I’m feeling more light-hearted, it can be really fun to have a partner play a challenging video game while giving them oral (especially if they’re good at it), and listen to them grow increasingly frustrated as they enjoy the pleasure more, but struggle to keep up with the video game. It would also be fun to begin by teasing your partner slowly, then watch while they struggle as you increase the intensity of sensations. If your partner likes vibrators, it could be fun to hold a vibrator against them on the lowest setting, then see how powerful you can make it before they start getting frustrated with the video game.
While it might not be easy to focus on what you’re doing, there are so many things you could do (or that you could do to your partner) while being pleasured—read a book, scroll through DeviantArt, eat a snack, play an instrument… the list is endless.
Engaging in human furniture kink is a great way to fit in kink when you’re busy… relaxing.
5. Perform Service Tasks
If you’re feeling submissive, there are many services you can perform for a top or dominant that can be squeezed into everyday life with relative ease. I’ve heard many times that people in 24/7 D/s dynamics have protocols already built into their everyday lives, such as bringing a dominant coffee at the same time each morning, or having a meal ready for them after work. If you already have protocols like these built into your dynamic, you could negotiate adding in more little service tasks, such as opening bottles or cans for a dominant every time they have a drink, or grooming them while you shower together.
I would advise being careful about adding too many protocols into your dynamic, as it’s easy to bog yourself down and be unable to complete them all daily, but I think this could be a good option if you’re able to perform more services within things you’d already be doing throughout the day.
Even when you’re busy, pouring a cup of coffee for your partner as well as yourself can be a great demonstration of service.
Kink is something that takes time and dedication, but if it matters to you, it is possible to fit in kink when you’re busy. In what ways do you make time to express your kinky self?
Thanks for reading! If you’re new to kink and BDSM, you might like this post on Affordable Bondage for Beginners, or Seven Self-Bondage Tips and Tricks.
