I first began my sex toy reviewing just a few months ago when a Twitter mutual, Betty Butch, sent me a penis-requiring toy she received out of the blue and had no particular interest in writing about. That review has…yet to be written, come to think of it (sorry, Betty!), but it gave me the idea to start writing more actively on the Off the Cuffs blog. It often seems like the vast majority of toy reviews out in the wild are done for vibrators, dildos, and other toys marketed almost exclusively towards people with vulvas, at least based on what I have seen, and I want to help close that gap a little. Unfortunately, I am not personally possessed of (By? Sometimes it seems like by…) penis. Fortunately, my partner Dick is generally game for trying new and strange things on his. So that’s how the “PDX Elite Hydrobator Aquatic Vibrating Stroker and Penis Stimulator” (affectionately termed “The Dickhammer”) came into our life.
I choose the Hydrobator for a number of reasons. The first thing that struck me was the shape. It literally just looks like a hammer a la Mario Brothers, except it’s a tube that goes on your dick. Novelty! Also, this toy is built for hands-free stimulation, which I thought might be good for Dick on days that he doesn’t have the stamina (hehehe…) for a traditional jerk. Finally, the more I read about it, the more I was curious about how the hell this damn thing actually worked, so I decided I had to have it.
The toy has a hard plastic exterior, with a handle and three buttons to control function at the bottom of it. The Hydrobator, as per its name, was primarily designed to be used in the shower, so it is totally waterproof. The inside is a soft silicone sleeve that has a studded piece of silicone at the center and folds on either side that provide a sort of ribbed texture when it is stroking. The benefit of having a long tube like this is that it can accommodate many lengths of dicks, but I the downside is that if your girth is bigger then the opening hole, you’re going to have a tough time fitting it in (as is generally the case in all things in life). The hole is an inch and a half but because of the mechanical components there isn’t a lot of room to stretch aside from the 1/4″-ish thick silicone. We had a little trouble fitting the toy on Dick the first time (no humblebrag intended, just an observation!), but of course where there is LUBE, there is a way. This is definitely the kind of toy you want a lot of lube with, which might prove counterproductive with the intended shower use.
When Dick and I first used this toy, we tried it in bed (just to be rebels). There are three stroking speeds and seven different vibration patterns, so there is some variety to play with. The sound of this thing on a dick is…interesting…? Kind of like a mechanical deepthroating, I suppose. From Dick’s point of view as a person who is into sex robots, it was pretty hot, but for me it sounded downright humorous. Dick’s first impression was “This is everything I want in a sex toy!” but his opinion by the end was different. He found that actually getting off with this toy was challenging because, unlike a person adjusting and responding to your sexual response, it just mechanically strokes at a consistent pace. “It just does it’s thing dispassionately, and then you are biologically forced to get off. Sort of unsatisfying in that way, but satisfying in another way, because that’s also something that I am into. So, it’s unfulfilling, but cool?”
He did try this in the bathtub as well, which turned out to be an absolute non-starter. “I think I honestly just don’t like jerking off in the bath. The water dilutes the sensation and it doesn’t do anything for me.” We never tried it in the shower, since his physical condition makes standing in the heat of the shower for a long time very uncomfortable. So, as far as the “hydro” part of the Hydrobator, well, we are just unable to speak to that at this time. I was rather skeptical water enhancing the experience in the first place, but I’ll just have to wait until someone else tries it.
One thing I want to mention with this, as I find it annoying given that it is marketed as otherwise on the product page, is that it’s not easy to clean! Well, it’s not the ABSOLUTE worst to clean, but this thing has so many folds and nooks and crannies on the inside to try to deal with, and you can’t just flip it inside out like you could a regular soft stroker. I had to take extra care to check every single fold and use a lot of soap and water. As far as other criticisms, I also wanted to mention that, in terms of the vibration, it only has one sustained vibration, while the rest are patterns, which may not be ideal for people who dislike vibration patterns.
For the main assessment of this toy, I interviewed Dick with some specific questions so you cab get it from him what it was really like:
How ergonomic is this for you? “I want to answer this in two parts. Physically, it is well designed and easy to hold in place, but fantasy fulfillment-wise, I’d rather have a toy like this that I could strap on and not have to use my hands at all.”
Do you find the vibration sufficient? “On it’s own, no, but paired with the stroker function it works really well.”
Do you find the stroking sufficient? “It’s complicated. If I were looking to just use it to get off, I would say no. Where the stroking and vibration does feel good, I wish the speed of the stroker would get two to three times faster-paced. Almost double what the highest speed offers. However, because I have fantasies involving involuntary ejaculation, specifically in the realm of being dominated by a robot, I find the lack of fulfillment fulfilling. If that makes sense.”
How often would you use this? “Twice a week maybe. I’d like to try more role play where I am bound and someone holds the device on me.”
Would you recommend it to others? “Yes. I don’t think it’s perfect, but its a good first step in the direction of toys that I am looking for. On paper, it’s everything I want, minus being able to affix it to myself. Since I’ve tried it, it’s definitely a toy I wouldn’t want to live without. I think it has great potential.”
Thank you SheVibe for sending me this toy for us to review. All links in this post are affiliate links.
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